There I was at Comic-Con just a little after dawn. I just finished standing in line for two hours to acquire a convention exclusive. When I discovered they were all sold out I felt like my day was ruined. As I came out of line I looked to the horizon where I saw a big white balloon. The words transcribed on this big white pimple in the sky were ASH VS EVIL DEAD. I knew right there that seeing Ash with a big grin on his face, and a silly saying would bring me out of this funk I was in.
When my walkabout ended I finally found myself face to face with such a glorious sight. A recreation of the cabin from Evil Dead.
As I tiptoed through the trees I came across two graves marked by crosses. Was one of these where Ash’s girlfriend Linda was buried? I had no time to find out as I yearned to explore inside the church of Ash.
Once I finally stood on the Parthenon of fear I started to shake wondering what madness I was about to confront. As I slowly opened the door I could see bugs were taking the floor hostage. I carefully navigated the floor as not to step on these demons from the depths.
Suddenly I found myself in the corner of the cabin facing the cellar door. Something or someone was bouncing the doors apart with such force that the hinges were ready to break. Meanwhile an old tape recorder was playing a recording of a man chanting words that I didn’t comprehend.
I looked to the clock to see what time it was but it was broken and the arms were swinging out of control. Just like a two year old who doesn’t get his way. I decided I better make a quick exit through the kitchen and head back outside where I might just be a little more safe.
Outside I felt my heartbeat start to slow down. That is until I saw the sign that said “Home Sweet Home” with a bloody chainsaw next to it. To top that off a water pump was serving nice cold O type negative blood.
I had to cover my mouth as I thought my heart would jump out of it and run away from fear of what could happen. At this time my mind contacted my feet and told them it is time to run. The only way out was through the tool shed. I have seen too many horror films to know that I would meet my demise if I continued. So against my better judgement I proceeded to make a beeline to and out of the shed. Well that my friends is the last thing I remembered. I always wondered what had become of me. Until one day as I was sitting on this fiery rock in the basement of Hell I saw a picture that was developed from my camera that someone found. It seems that I turned into a Deadite and was beheaded by Mr. Ashley James Williams better known to the world as ASH!
Ash vs. Evil Dead Season 2 will premiere this fall on Starz. Until then here is the trailer that dropped at Comic-Con.